Wolf Signs
I believe that every living thing enters this world
possessing a special gift. For some it’s the power to create joy in others, for
a few lucky ones it’s understanding—scientific, mathematical, universal… There
are musical gifts, gifts of beauty, physical ability, great leadership… The
list of gifts is as endless as the souls that house them.
Beyond my gift of language manipulation, I have been given
the gift to see what others cannot. I often receive signs from souls who’ve
passed and can no longer communicate with their loved ones. I become their
voice. I relay their messages. This is a beautiful blessing for which I am
extremely grateful, especially when I understand the signs because I personally
know the soul who has passed, or because I know the loved one for whom the
message is intended. It is in these times that I feel as though I’m exactly
where I’m supposed to be in our universe. Many times, though, I am unable to
decipher the meanings behind what are clearly meant to be messages. The past
week has been one of those times.
Beth turned 20 on January 2nd. For her birthday
she wanted a tattoo. Her idea for the tattoo was a band around her upper arm
portraying the phases of the moon with a wolf below it transforming as the moon
transformed from sliver to full, from beast to man. She said it symbolized the
transformation that embodies life. I loved the idea and the symbolism, but I
was discouraging about it being on her arm. She conceded. For now…
Chelsey introduced beautiful baby Chaz to his new world on
January 5th. Connie, my girls and I went on a mission to rescue Zac
from the discomfort of being in a cramped hospital room with his
father-in-law’s difficult girlfriend. Strolling through South Park Mall he
pointed out a blanket with a magnificent wolf covering its entire surface. “My
Native American Zodiac sign is a wolf”, he said, full of pride. Living near his
father now, who is of Native American descent, Zac has been expanding his
knowledge of such things. Of course, the wolf being such a stunning creature, I
was curious to see if I, too, could be connected to it since we share the same
birth month. It turns out that I am. How have I gone 47 years without knowing
this? One by one, we all looked up our Native American Zodiac signs. We were
either enamored or amused by which animal represented us. We moved on to
another topic, another store, but the wolf sign remained heavy in my thoughts.
I promised myself I would research it further when I had time.
January 10th: I returned home from Virginia a
couple of days ago on fire with a passion to change my life. I’d felt things in
the past week of which I’d been devoid for too many years. Writing always
cleared my thoughts, but I hadn’t written anything beyond work reports in at
least 5 years. So I made my way to The Rising Sun Café with the hope of finding
some inspiration to write again. I opened my old blog and read through some
posts, my profile…my favorite books were listed. Call of the Wild? Wow, I forgot how much I loved reading that. I
hope it doesn’t make me sound juvenile to enjoy a book that is required reading
in middle school or younger, but a good story is a good story. I fell in love
with Buck as he journeyed to freedom. I’ll leave it on my list. The
waitress interrupted my thoughts about how poor Buck was treated when she served
me the quiche and coffee I had ordered at the counter. I politely thanked her
and kept reading/thinking/hoping for inspiration. I paused to take a bite of
the freshly prepared dish and a smile slowly took over my face. My quiche was
served with small bites of watermelon. It’s January. What are the chances that
a summer fruit would be served with my breakfast?
When I was spending time in Virginia with Rob nearly 20
years ago, I read a book from his bookshelf by Richard Brautigan: In Watermelon Sugar. I could not put it
down from the moment I read the opening passage, until I read the final
sentence. I had never read such a book. It seemed magical to me. I fell in love with the fantasy utopian town
in which everything was made of watermelon sugar—the sweetest kind of sugar. So
it became that Rob called me Sugar—short for Watermelon Sugar, the sweetest
kind. Inspiration found for Day One in the House of the Rising Sun.
My second day at the Rising Sun brought even more clarity. I
left the café with a renewed sense of purpose. As I drove home, I inhaled fresh
new life and exhaled clouded judgement. I turned on the radio when my breathing
came naturally, and lyrics I haven’t heard since high school reminded me again
of Zac’s and my zodiac, of Buck, of Beth’s wolf, “Mouth is alive with juices
like wine, and I'm hungry like the wolf.” I giggled to myself. Yes, I am hungry like the wolf. Yup, I do
feel like a wolf on the scent of something I know to be delicious. Sometimes
the signs I’m given are simply a guiding light for my own thoughts or
struggles. I figured this was one of those times…maybe a quick warning to stop
being so obvious about my hunger.
…Until I got in the car a few hours later to go to work and
realized that I had forgotten to turn off the radio before turning off the car.
For the second time in one day I listened to Duran Duran tell me about his (my)
insatiable appetite. Hungry Like the Wolf
sang to me as though it was a continuation of 6 hours earlier. I actually
looked down at my radio to make sure that it was the radio playing and not a
playlist that somehow contained a song I never listened to. Now I was baffled.
It must be more of a sign than just getting me to realize that I’m being
gluttonous in my longing. I got to work and pulled up the lyrics. Nope, I
couldn’t find any message in them. I made it through the night, and I got into
my car to drive home. The full moon taking
over the morning sky was breathtaking.
The words, “…because I’m still in love with you, I want to
see you dance again. Because I’m still in love with you on this Harvest Moon” immediately
popped into my head. That was our song. My heart ached and a sad smile remained
on my face as I continued my drive home. I thought about taking a picture of the
awesome sight and texting Rob that it wasn’t the Harvest Moon (not in January)
but almost as beautiful. I decided to make sure I had the right day that it was
full—sometimes the moon looks full when it’s still a day prior or a day past,
so I searched ‘January full moon’ and the first words that appeared were “The
Wolf Moon”. Are you freaking kidding me?!
Okay, I’ve got it, you’re trying very hard to tell me something about a wolf,
but I’m sadly unable to decipher the message. This has to be the most
frustrating gift someone could have. Thank you for it, but PLEASE help me
understand!
I asked Steve if “wolf” meant anything to him. Nope. I
called Dory to see if Greg had any connection to a wolf, since my signs are
usually from or about him. She said he didn’t but did a quick look up of wolf representation.
Her words coming through the phone gave me goose bumps from the tips of my toes
to the top of my head. She read to me, “When a wolf spirit animal appears for
you he is asking for introspection, to face your deepest fears…the fears that
are holding you back from taking the journey that will lead to your greatest
destiny…freedom.” Clearly the wolf signs have been for me. I hungered for more
information. More guidance. I hungered like the wolf who had been invading my
thoughts…
During my first free moment at work I researched the
symbolism of the wolf. There was so much, and every word seemed to be written
specifically to help guide me through this very complex moment in my journey.
Some of the words most striking to me were: “A powerful totem when you are
feeling lost and do not know where to go…he guides you, he will be your
protector as you make your journey on a new unexplored path, as you gain inner
sight, wisdom, experience and confidence you will bond with Wolf becoming one
of the pack, or he one of yours. As you face your deepest fears, you conquer
them and can then walk through the forest at night with supreme confidence like
the wolf.”
I was loving what I was reading! I continued to read how the
wolf brings freedom and companionship, intuition and telepathy. He can teach me
how to walk the spirit realm. He is the spirit animal of teaching and family.
He is the embodiment of survival on his own. One of my favorite lines? “He is learning
the balance of freedom and the need for a family of his own.” Could this get
any better? Yes, it could, and so it ends with the symbolism for the wolf
howling at the moon (my wolf moon):
“When Wolf is howling at the moon, this
symbolizes that he or she is calling upon the guidance of Great Spirit to
awaken the mystical insights and intuition to locate the path of its heart’s
desires.”
This is exactly what I’ve been doing.
I’ve been asking for guidance. It fills my heart to be reminded that my prayers
do not go unanswered. I now pray that I will receive the guidance I need to
free my soul and warm my heart for the rest of my days. I pray for strength in
solitude and in love. I pray for my wolf pack to remain as one as we grow and
change. I pray for the heart that is afraid to open to me, to find the courage
to allow itself the joy of feeling love. I will get there. Until then, it’s
nice to know that I have what has been called “a cheering squad of guardian
angels.”Thank you my angels.
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